I finally went to bed around 6:30 this morning. I woke up off and on till about 9. Everytime that I would wake up, it's like I would jump up in the bed. Only hoping that I was dreaming that I was at my parents and it wasn't for real. But only to find out that it was for real.

I'm not going to work today, I just don't think that I can handle it.. It's like one minute I am fine and the next I'm just really upset.

I have to work tomorrow from 12:30-9. I just hope that I can get some rest. I haven't ate since Sunday when me and Wayne went to the Mall. I guess in some way it's a good thing I don't eat when I get upset, maybe my fat ass will lose some weight.

Anyway.. I'm gonna go.
I dunno if Wayne reads this or not but I want you to know that I love You and please believe me when I say that..
YI love You WayneY

I'm still up..... can't sleep.... just sitting here watching music video's..

How can I go crawl in my bed without Wayne there to hold me as I fall a sleep?
I am going to sleep on the couch tonite.

YI love the way you make me SO happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.
I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And I am SO Thankful that you are mine.Y

You know, I thought about the last post that I posted and honestly.. Nothing I say will change anything.. It's all up to the man up above. He knows what's right and what's wrong.. And only he can change it... I just hope that he will answer my prayers...

Sorry, i'm just running off at the mouth since I can't go to sleep..

Well it's after 4am. I can't sleep.. So I thought I would write in my journal, but you know... I really don't know what to say.. Of course I'm at my parents if I am on the internet. I'm just here for a short time, atleast I hope. I don't really feel like being on here, I just wanna crawl in a hole and well.....I just want things to get better. And I know that God has been listening to me and I know that he will help me..

Can you believe I have had 5 shots of my dad's "white lightening" and I still can't go to sleep.. It was hard enough for me to drive home, I kept looking at the side ralls and the tree's... Just crazy thoughts running through my head. But you know, I also kept telling myself.... "What if something happened to me tonite and I never got to see Wayne again".. That's what got me home. I know that Wayne loves me and he wants to be with me. He might have things that he needs to work out on his own and as much as I love him, I'm willing to give him that time. For there is NOBODY that has been as good to me as Wayne material wise and emotional.. I love that boy with every beat of my heart. He has made me feel good about myself and gave me hope in myself. I actually had someone tell me today that ever since me and Wayne have been together they can tell that I have a different "outlook" on life.. And that I am much happier.

I am.....I finally have someone that believes in me and that will back me up. That someone is the man that I love more than life itself..

YY I Love You Wayne! YY