Today I was off.. I got up around 9 am and just decided to go back to bed. well I did not wake back up untill about 1pm. Me and My mom went to LaGrange to get this connector for my DVD player and pay some bills. I also went by my grandmothers to see her for a minute. After that I came home and rushed to get ready cause I had to be at Adrienne and Muffy's house for our 4 mile walk. Which I look forward to now, cause we walk and catch up on the things that have happened with us that day.

This morning I got a phone call from Roger. He stated that he wanted to talk to me and hang out with and really hoped I wasn't mad at him for Monday nite. Well I called him back, we talked for a little bit and I let him go cause he was at work and he said he would call me back. Well he never did. I went walking at 5pm and when we got through it was about 6:30. So at 7pm I decided to call him back and see what was up. He was still at work, he then asked me what was I doing later on tonite. Of course I said "nothing".. So we made plans to meet in Griffin, which is about half way for both of us. Now here comes the good part!!!

I did go to Griffin and meet him, we ate at Applebee's. Had a couple of beers, then went outside and stood outside talking by the car. Well we talked for a good hr or so. I let him know how I felt about Monday nite and about the fact that he tells me he is going to call me and he doesn't. Well he explained himself to me and told me that he was really, really sorry... I told him I did not meet him tonite to make him feel bad about Monday nite or anything, I met him cause I wanted to see him and talk to him again. So we talked and talked. And we Kissed....... SO needless to say I was all smiling when I was driving back home from having dinner with him!! I know it was just a kiss, but damn... that boy can kiss.

U know I thought all the way home and I even said this to him in person, I don't wanna say too much but then again, I want him to know how I feel. I don't want his wishy washy crap. I just wanted to be real. So anyways, we are SUPPOSED to do something Saturday nite. Lets see!

This is a song I LOVE and want everybody to read it

Tuesday Morning
“I remember getting People magazine with the stories of Flight 93, how these heroes did it. They get to Mark Bingham and there's his lover, and I thought, ‘Oh my god!' I hadn't heard that until I saw the People magazine. Time goes by, and the government starts putting out the benefits for the families of those who lost their lives; a certain percentage of people who lost their lives, of course, were homosexual—at least 10% of any population is gonna be homosexual—and the government says no. All of a sudden, that felt uncomfortable. I start watching as it unfolds, and they mention Mark Bingham but they don't mention that he's gay. It starts to get a little more whitewashed away. Here is a bona fide hero of our American culture, one of the four men who said, ‘C'mon, let's roll,' being wiped away. That's not okay with me.

“It was very hard when I was writing the song. In the original lyrics I'm not so nice. I think I even said by name, ‘Mr. Ashcroft, maybe it was your life that he saved. Where was that airplane going? And yet you will not acknowledge him.' I went really, really hard with it, and I remember thinking, ‘No one's going to hear me if I'm yelling so loud. My job is to present it, just kind of ask that it be considered.” - Melissa Etheridge


Up and down this road I go
Skippin' and dodgin'
From a 44

10:03 on a Tuesday morning
In the fall of an American dream
A man is doing what he knows is right
On flight 93
He loved his mom and he loved his dad
He loved his home and he loved his man
But on that bloody Tuesday morning
He died an American

Now you cannot change this
You can't erase this
You can't pretend this is not the truth

Even though he could not marry
Or teach your children in our schools
Because who he wants to love
Is breaking your Gods' rules
He stood up on a Tuesday morning
In the terror he was brave
And he made his choice
And without a doubt
A hundred lives he must have saved

And the things you might take for granted
Your inalienable rights
Some might chose to deny him
Even though he gave his life
Can you live with yourself in the land of the free
And make him less of a hero than the other three
Well it might begin to change ya
In a field in Pennsylvania

Stand up America
Hear the bell now as it tolls
Wake up America
It's Tuesday morning
Come on let's roll

I went walking with Muffy and Adrienne after work for the past 3 days, 4 miles each.. I"m going to lose some weight no matter what.. I mean something has to give.. Either, I"m too pushy or I'm not pushy enough. I have STILL not heard from Roger. Of Course, if I was as fine as he is. I wouldn't want anything to do with someone that looks like me.

I do have to say that I have a VERY good time hanging out with my "WONDERFUL LESBIANS!!" I am on the way to losing weight and getting a tan.. I"m off tomorrow and have nothing to do. Except I am going to walk with them tomorrow 4 more miles.
I have to be honest and tell you that I am VERY upset with the fact that Roger stood me up on Monday nite and then never called me back after I returned his message. I mean WTF did I do wrong? Is it me? Or is it Him? He was such a sweetheart and I don't understand it AT ALL. But as I have been told, it's better to let the bad parts come out now than after being together 4-5 months. But for myself, I would like to know what I did wrong..

I know I type in here at times that I am really trashed and I say things that some ppl that read this journal all the time are just like "Oh hell" or "oh lord".. But I do get carried away with somethings I say in here, but most of the time it's the truth about the way I feel about certain things and issues I have going on in my life.

ADRIENNE & MUFFY.. THANK YOU for my new jeans.. I love them.. I'm about to head to bed, cause I do not want to waste my day off tomorrow by sleeping late.. Hope everybody is doing okay..
*Still searching for answering to what did I do*..

FOR Adrienne and Muffy!!!
I love you!!

I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn
I don't know how, but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just a look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, oooh
Mamma Mia, here I go again
My, my, how can I resist you
Mamma Mia, does it show again
My, my, just how much I missed you
Yes I've been broken hearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why, did I ever let you go
Mamma mia, now I really know
My, my, I could never let you go
I've been angry and sad about things that you do
I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through
And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong
Just one look and I hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, oooh
Mamma Mia, here I go again
My, my, how can I resist you
Mamma Mia, does it show again
My, my, just how much I missed you
Yes I've been broken hearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why, did I ever let you go
Mamma Mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
Mamma Mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye, doesn't mean forever
Mamma Mia, here I go again
My, my, how can I resist you
Mamma Mia, does it show again
My, my, just how much I missed you
Yes I've been broken hearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why, did I ever let you go
Mamma mia, now I really know
My, my, I could never let you go

OKAY.. So I got stood up tonite. NO phone call, no nothing.. And to be frankly honest about it, I am upset. I went and got me some jack and coke tonite. So if the words are not to par then fuck it. I just can't believe that he stood me up.. I mean after he talked to me on the phone friday and explained himself to me and told me he was going to make it up to me today.. I never once got a phone call from him.

I went into work an hr 1/2 early today. Cause David was a bad car wreck. So they needed someone to cover. I didn't mind going in cause I THOUGHT that I was going to go out with this guy tonite.. But NO!!!! NO phone call no nothing.. So I stopped by the liquor store on the way home and got me some jack and then some coke.. Then I took about 3 zanax to fuck me up and make me forget all about it.. I'm over it.. U know.. I know what I look like and I know that I am fat and ugly.. And there are FEW ppl out there that wanna be with me.. Which is cool.. I just have to find the one that clicks with me that I wann be with..

But as for Sunday.. I had a blast.. I went to church with Adrienne and Muffy.. As I told them, I'm kinda getting use to going to church with them.. After that we go out to eat.. And they make me feel so wanted. I'm sure I get on their nerves at times talking about the drama that goes on in my life.. BUt they just listen and give me good adivce... I love them so much ....
I dunno what it is... but It just hurt me that ROger would do this to me. I dont' understand it. at all..

Well, I was suppose to go out on a date with Roger lastnite but it did not happen. He did not get off work till 8:30 and then by the time he would have drove up to Newnan, it would have been 9:30. So we just decided to do something on Monday. So I'm looking forward to it. I just hope something doesn't come up and he can't make it.

I went to Columbus with Marc, Wayne, & Sarah.. We had a BLAST! I got SO drunk, Tammy (bar owner) bought me I don't know how many jack and cokes. I got up dancing and I took my shirt off, my belt off. I still can't find my belt, it must be at the bar.. lol I had a good time dancing even if it was by myself. But I have been paying for it all day today. My whole body is SO sore. Well it's after 1am and I am finally home from work. I have tomorrow off, I"m going to go to church with Adrienne and Muffy.. I'm looking forward to it.