Well I worked today from 12:30-9 and I thought I was never going to get out of there.. Most of the day went by really good cause I was working with Liza and Huff. We had alot of fun. I was sitting outside for lunch around 6 and this reagular customer Larry stopped by in the parking lot beside work and motioned for me to come to the car. So I went to the car, he handed me 3 collector mugs from Starbucks in London England. Said he brought those back for me, David, and Jon. I thought that was really nice of him! My boss also left me a note today on her desk stating that she was meeting with her mananger and was going to talk to her about my background check and the mileage sheet and my t-shirt. But I have already ordered the shirt, cause I got tired of waiting on her to get it for me.

Okay.... for some crazy reason I am sitting here listening to some music I haven't listened to in along time. Makes me think about ALOT of things. One of the songs is, "If I could turn back time" by Cher and then I also listened to a song that Shawnna Brooks does for me, "If you could read my mind".. Lord the thoughts it would tell. I keep trying to be the happy go lucky person that I should be to everybody but damn.. I have things I have to let out and things on my mind that I just hold in. Things that nobody knows. Just like this weekend, I was SO glad I went out. It made me feel so fucking good. Cause I was feeling like I was a piece of shit, like I meant nothing to nobody. But shit I had guys coming up to me and talking to me. That made me feel really good. But you know I left the club with the ppl I came there with, and of course I was thinking about a certain person. Who has decided they don't want a relationship. And honestly there is nothing I can do about it.

I just miss that smile, that wink, that hug.. Or that phone call, even if it's to vent about how bad his day is going. Just to hear his voice made my day all better. Whether it was to call me to vent or for him to just say hello. I had alot of fun with Shane and everybody, it was like the old days. But you know now I'm back at home to the real life. So I have to cope with it...

Anyway, I have to be at work at 7:30-4 so I think I should get off of here and get my butt to bed. Or atleast try to get some sleep..

I found this poem that I thought I would put on my journal.. Kinda shows how I feel at this point in time..

If I could have just shown you how much you mean to me then
I could have died happily with the tears of joy in me
If I could have been your knight brave and donned in shining armour then
I would have been your prince and not as your friend anymore
If I could have been a stranger and not as myself to you then I might have had the courage to say wholeheartedly I love you
If I could have lived my life then you could have seen me through because all that I had ever did was for you to love me too
If I could have just seen tomorrow I would have jumped ahead of time because today it might have not ended and today you might still be mine.

I'm finally up for good now.. I have to be at work at 12:30. I did NOT sleep well at all lastnite. I kept having these weird dreams and then I would wake up. I guess I think too much or whatever.

Yesterday after Marc dropped me off at work to pick up my truck, I sat at work all day and just hung out there. Kevin stopped by and we talked for awhile, went and got something to eat. And then I picked up my tips. After that I came home drank me a few beers and went to bed around 9 or so.

I had stopped taking my antidepressent that the dr put me on but I think I am going to start back taking it. I just have to becareful of how I drink.
Anyway.. I'm gonna go and start getting ready for work I guess.

I haven't been long woke up.... I'm up here at Shane's going back home today. I came up on Saturday and we went out. PURE MESS..

Of course I got really trashed for many reasons.. We went to Jungle cause it was open bar from 10-11. We had 2 beers a piece and then went to Burkharts cause Shane wanted to see David. So we kept drinking and drinking. I was sitting outside on the ledge and the next thing I know I fell backwords. landed right on my back, knocked over 3 beer glasses. It was SO embarrassing. I saw so many ppl that I haven't seen in along time. After leaving Burks we went to Hoedowns. And stayed there till they closed.

Me and Marc decided that we were hungry, so we were going to go to the McDonalds by the apt. Well Marc told me that there was another one 2 exit's up.. Cause the one close to us wasn't open. We TRIED to find it, but we ended up WAY north of 400. I dunno how we got that far up there, but I know I had to pay the toll when we came back towards Atlanta. So we ended up going to the McDonalds we always go to over on CheshireBridge Rd. Then there was drama there too, some straight girl called Marc a fucking faggot and Marc got out of the car and just went off on her. Then they pulled in front of us to the window to order their food. The whole time all this is going on Shane and David are passed out in the back not knowing anything. It was so funny...

Yesterday Me and Marc took David home and then went to the mall where Shane works, we couldn't find anything there so we went to Lenox Mall. After that we came home and relaxed then went out to Burkharts to see the drag show. It was nice and I had alot of fun, met a few ppl. And had a few drinks.

I'm gonna get off of here and start getting ready, Nick is suppose to come home for lunch cause he has Marc's truck. Then we are going back to Newnan.