I'm bored and can't sleep.. I watched a movie that I had here at the house and thought that maybe I would get sleepy doing that, I guess not. So I thought I would sign online to see if anybody was on to talk to, but there's not.

I guess I could go and watch some more tv.

I don't understand... Honestly, why did things have to end the way that they did. I can't hide it, it hurts me daily that he won't call me or when he does call me it's just to fuss at me about things. I know that sounds crazy of me, but I did love him and still do. We did share our life together for a short time. I ask God why am I being treated like this over and over. I guess I'll never know the answer. I know it makes me mad when I hear of all the things he did while we were together, but then at the same time...I want to talk to him and see how his day went, see how he's doing.. I just don't understand how you can love someone or atleast pretend you do for so long and then just forget about them so quick and not care. What also hurts is the fact that he said he would miss my parents and of course, not ONCE has he called to check on my mom after she had surgery. But should I be surprised? No.

I found out lastnite on my way to Atlanta the whole reason that Wayne didn't want to have sex with me while we were together. It wasn't about "A relationship isn't built on sex".. It was more like Wayne was meeting ppl while he was suppose to be at a wedding appointments and having sex with them. I guess that explains the reason he liked to go K-Mart so much and the fact that he had 2 to-go plates of chinese food while I was out. And then the shirt that just appeared out of no where in his t-shirt drawer instead of being hung up like the rest of his shirts.

I talked to a friend of mine today that had been coming by work and asking about me. I told her what all happened and she said "The guilty pig always squeals first". I can see that now, plus I read this arcticle in the magazine while I was waiting to see the Dr. 6 signs of cheating... Well Wayne fit 4 out of 6 of those signs. I realized then, I don't deserve to be done like that. I have done nothing but be as good to him as I could be emotional wise, I know I wasn't financially but I never once even thought about cheating on him or doing him wrong. But look what happened to me. And like someone told me, he only bought me things b/c he felt guilty about what he was doing. Now I see it. Now that I'm out of his life and he doesn't have to feel guilty he doesn't want to help me in anyway.

Even tho, I dunno if I'm gonna have a job or not. I can't even get him to help me what so ever. He just left me to fend for myself basically. I don't care how bad someone treated me, I would never leave them and talk to them the way that Wayne has every time he calls me.

Lastnite I went to Atlanta to hang out with a friend and have some coffee. And then I went to the bowling alley to hang out with Kevin for a little while. Steven (Shane's old roommate) came up there also to see me. I only stayed for about an hr and then I came home. It felt really good to see them and for once didn't feel guilty for hanging out with my friends. Plus everybody was complimenting me on how good I looked and how much weight I have lost, so that made me feel real good.

As soon as I got home, Kevin (Lil' Man) called me and wanted to know if he could come over and spend the nite. So I said sure. When he got here we rode to the store. Came home and messed around on his lap-top and then went to bed.

I had to wake up early this morning to get directions to the Dr's office. Cause I have no clue as to where it is at. But now I do, thanks to Yahoo maps..lol

Thursday I have to talk to David about me going back to work, I dunno if they are going to fire me or what. I just hope that I still have a job for a little while. I'll just be glad when things get back to normal.

After I get back from the Dr's office I have to start working on my bathroom, I'm gonna paint it and paint the trim. Then I'm going to wash and clean out my truck.

I didn't go to bed till really late lasnite. Wayne finally called me after he got back from his trip. Of course he only wanted to yell and cuss at me about taking the things that I bought in the house instead of calling me to see how I was doing.. He just doesn't understand that the only reason I took the things that I did is b/c I will need them when I move back out. I just wished that he could see that and that I want to be nothing but friends with him. Hell I mean we were partners for 5 months and I do still love him and care for him. Despite the way he has treated me and talked to me. The hell that I have been through the past 2 weeks.

He took my heart, he took the house that I worked so hard on for us to move into, he took my dog, something that I have wanted since I can remember. And he gets mad at me cause I took a few things in the house. I can only pray to god that he will help show Wayne that I do love him with all my heart. And I never meant to hurt him in anyway. Cause the lord knows I have been hurt enough.

Anway... I woke up this morning and got ready to go to Newnan to pay some bills for mama & daddy. I then went to wal-mart and got me some new blinds for my bedroom. I looked around for some pictures to hang on my wall, I want to get a real big one to go over the bed or on the wall up above the aquarium. I actually thought about washing my truck today and cleaning the inside, but all this pollen wouldn't help. I just heard on the news that it's suppose to rain soon. I will prolly clean it out tomorrow when I get through painting my bathroom.

I still haven't found out when I'm going to get to go back to work. I haven't talked to Sharon yet. I tried to call David today but of course it went straight to voicemail, so I left him a message and he didn't call me back. I'm sure he'll tell me that he didn't get a message from me like he did last time.

Oh well... that's about it.

Well I just talked to Wayne.. And just as I thought he talked to me like I was a DOG..He was not nice about me taking the things that was given to me or that I had bought for the house. He kept on naggin about the silverware over and over.
Anyway..... He made me feel like the piece of shit I have felt 4 months ago. Like I did nothing right, like he got off on making me feel bad. Yelling at me over and over. He said that he would never call me again after tonite, which I am sure that he won't. I just don't understand that you can talk to someone that you supposed to love the way that he did. And then he didn't call me for 4 nites that he was gone. But he knew how much it cost to call long distance??? So who did he call while he was gone?? Prolly that guy that he had over while I was in the hospital the reason that he didn't answer every nite that I called him.

All I know, is that I love Wayne with all my heart and all I ever wanted to be was friends in the end. But come to find out he's NOT going to help me with my school nor is he going to help me with my sprint phone. Since he MADE me get a Metro PCS Phone. Piece of shit.

Anyway.. Now since I have vented to those of you that read this. I'm going to try to go to bed.

Well, today was a different day.. I got up this morning and went to PetSmart. Only to see that they were having a Pet Adoption. I almost started crying, I miss my big ol' baby. And like some friends told me, I can't believe I let him take away something I have always wanted. But hell he took alot away that I always wanted.

I still haven't heard from him, as I said before action speaks louder than words. Maybe if I got the electricity and gas cut off he'd call me then. lol

I'm about to head out. I have to get out of this house for bit.

Lord, I am wore out. It's going on 2am, I've been moving since I hit the floor this morning. I still have to straighten things out in my room, but I have all the big stuff in there. Finally got it all painted thank GOD...

Well I still haven't heard from Wayne. I hope that he's having a grand ol' time up there. Me and a friend of mine were talking, and it wouldn't surprise me if he's up there with someone else. For all I know he had someone over or met someone out while I was in the hospital. I just thought that it was kinda strange for him not to answer his cell phone each nite I was in the hospital. Anybody that knows him, knows how precious that cell phone is to him.

Anyway.. I got all my shit moved out. I think about the house and how much work we put into it and look at how quickly it is being taken away from me. Along with my dog. "Baby, I'm doing this for you". That's what I was told the whole time he was looking for a Great Dane, the dog that I have always wanted.

I'm sure I sound all bitter and everything. But I am hurt and upset. I mean someone fed me bullshit for 5 1/2 months and then just threw me to the curve. It's gonna be along time before I date anybody else again. Faggot bullshit. lol

I have to take my meds and then I'm going to bed. Maybe I can finally sleep a little late tomorrow since I have my bed now.